Happy Wife, Happy Life

or so the saying goes. but what if you are not a wife anymore? what if you are one half of an over 10 year relationship..? what if you are only, most of the time, 75% happy in that relationship? and the other 25% you keep working so hard to find within yourself so you don’t have to depend on your “partner” to be that for you. but what if the other 25% you need seems to be tied to an intimate connection with the person you are sharing your life with? what if they are so caught up in their own healing, and feeling stuck that there is seemingly no way to bridge the gap. so you keep trying to find ways to better yourself, your life, and your child’s future? although deep down all you want is to be taken care of. to be thought of and surprised with a date or flowers, or a dance in the kitchen, or a walk and talk afternoon. all you want is to be acknowledged and shown that the hard work you have put into your relationship matters. that the person you continue to share a life with actually thinks about you more than just saying thank you. don’t get me wrong, verbal appreciation is great. but when that is all you get, it can become mundane.

I’ve heard and read that you should be the person you want to be in a relationship with. and i think that is so toxic because some of us put so much of ourselves out there, treating our partner/spouse how we would like to be treated only to be shown that treatment isn’t going to be reciprocated so we stop trying. we stop initiating physical connection, and deep conversations because the brick wall we’re talking to isn’t talking back. and then we start to feel like there must be “something wrong with me” but praying, and self-help books, and therapy still don’t help that feeling go away.

you can love yourself and still be in an unhappy relationship. you can be self-confident and still keep putting time and energy into a relationship that’s seems to no longer be moving forward. why would you do that? you ask. well because it is familiar. it is easier to wake up every day, smile at yourself in the mirror, check out your booty in that cute new outfit, put on some lip gloss, and conquer the day, than it is to sit and think about how much you desire in your relationship. yeah, maybe there is someone else out there who will give you all you desire in the way of a relationship. so why not go after that? why not seek out the yang to your yin? the masculine to light your feminine fire? the security of knowing you are being taken care of as much as you are taking care of them? why not pursue that? why keep letting that little voice of fear speak so loudly? why not just jump? go for it? take a leap of faith and change your whole entire life? why not find out what it means to be a truly happy wife?