Wisdom and Age

Earlier this evening I was listening to the radio, and they were talking about how 25 year olds seem to go through a mid-life crisis (I think they called it a half-life crisis)… where they feel so unsure about what to do next, but as if they haven’t accomplished enough in their life so far.

As I listened to this, I realized that by age 25 you have really been an adult for 7 short years, but somehow in the 7 years between 18 and 25 society seems to expect you to have it all figured out.

At 39 years old, I know there is so much more life to figure out. Some days I feel so confident, and sure I have a grasp on life. Then, other days I feel like I am 16 all over again, trying to understand how to maintain in this life. Wondering how I got to the “responsible adult” stage, when some days I want to just lay around and watch TV all day without being responsible for bills, laundry, cleaning, and feeding another human being. That other human being I am responsible for is the whole reason I keep doing it all, and don’t just disappear to live a nomadic life.

Life feels like a series of characters, and stories being lived in one body. I am daughter, sister, cousin, niece, aunt, friend, mother, lover, employee, and stranger to the world.

But, who am I to me?

I am strong, spiritual, honest, confused, passionate, peacemaker, healer, lover, flirty, writer, photographer, leader, someone who likes to try new things, but often falls to fear.

Inside I do not feel as put together as I try to show the world. Inside I feel mixed up, over thinking my feelings, and moods. Feelings as if I’ve lost touch with myself, my intuition, while trying so hard to regain that connection. I hear it and feel it so strongly at times that I have no choice but to listen to that inner voice.

I know in order to keep gaining wisdom, I have to step in the direction of the discomfort, believing that the feelings are real and pointing me to trust and not fear. I think that wisdom is where we begin to really grasp life and all it has to offer. The image of having it all together comes with the wisdom to keep learning to understand the more intuitive parts of life.

Do I have it all together? Do I believe anyone ever really has it all figured out? No, but I do know that every step towards figuring it out is a step in the right direction. Each person has their own path to follow and they all look and flow differently. We only truly have it together when we trust our path and believe all it has to offer.

Life will magnify what you choose to believe. ~Dodinsky