Processes and Progress

A few weeks ago I was in a mental space that had me feeling like I was trying to cross the Grand Canyon on a rope bridge.   It felt unmanageable.

My heart was heavy and I couldn’t stop feeling like something was missing or needed to change in my life.  I felt disconnected and like I needed others to understand me more deeply. I wanted to explain my mental and emotionally processes to my partner, and family because I felt that they needed to understand me more, so I would feel more connected. I wanted to air out every decision I had made that caused me regret or pain in life. That wasn’t the solution. I realized that doing so would not improve our relationships in any way, and would probably leave me feeling more detached. 

I ended up spending an evening with my friend who had been in a similar space recently and she began asking me the hard questions I needed to turn my thinking around. She also introduced me to The Work, a process similar to Big Mind where you meditate and dialogue with your “self” to get to the root of what is holding you back. Within a couple days I felt more free and clear-headed. It was like I had power washed my mind, clearing all the nonsense that was holding me back.

I am forever thankful for my friend, and her ability to know exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

So much of what has been holding me back has been a fear of abandonment. Instead of letting things go, I tend to hold on too tight, then beat myself up for not knowing when to let go. Or I end up convincing myself that if I pursue something I really want, it is going to be more destructive than good, causing myself more distress because I didn’t follow my heart.

Internal growth is an emotional but very rewarding process. Give yourself to the process completely and see how beautifully your life will grow. The moment I realized things had shifted it was like a giant weight lifted off my chest.  And I could be even more present and appreciative of my life and relationships. Every breakthrough expands my awareness and realization that life really is everything we make it and more.

Open the window in the center of your chest, and let the spirits fly in and out. ~Rumi,