Learning to Trust Again

What is trust? Why is it earned? How is it broken?

Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something. 

Belief is an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists; also, trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something. 

Why is it that we earn trust? How do we come to not trust someone or something? Is it because they have shown us they are unreliable and if so, how do we show that we are reliable and trust worthy?

Do we automatically trust everyone, until something happens to cause us to not? And, if we automatically trust, is there really a need to earn trust?

What if we appear untrustworthy because someone simply does not agree with our views? Is that something we should feel guilty of and re-evaluate ourselves for? Or is it an insecurity within the other person? Do we only trust what makes us comfortable?

I am finding that trust is a trait that is developed early in life. Our relationship with our parents can define how we form relationships throughout our lives. If we’ve grown up with the comforts of knowing our parents are truthful and keep their word, our trust of others develops strongly and without doubt. If we have grown up with parents who say one thing and do another, our trust is formed with doubt. We begin to doubt that others really say what they mean. We doubt that others will follow through with their commitments, and are surprised and almost uneasy when they do.

I have begun to see how my relationship with my birth father shaped how I relate to others in all areas of life. I am quick to trust people. And when they have broken my trust I tend to give them multiple “second” chances to prove they deserve it. Even when I barely trust someone I have a hard time letting that relationship come to an end. I tend to see the good in people, even when they don’t see it or act on it within themselves.

The hardest revaluation in my pondering trust, was when I realized that my patterns of letting people break my trust was a reflection of me not fully trusting myself. Why do I feel I need to push my feelings aside to please others. Even when my instincts have guided me in one direction, I’ve second guessed it, choosing the option that would keep everyone else happy at the cost of repeatedly denying my self. This makes me appear easily swayed and influenced by others … wavering constantly. While at the same time, I was trying to convince myself that there was a good reason for putting their needs and opinions before my own.

I have to accept that I am fully equipped to handle everything I go after. I can be unwavering in my self-trust and be assertive and confident when voicing my decisions. Like a lion observing his pride, and knowing he has what it takes to protect them all, I am embracing confidence and conquering doubt to live life fully trusting myself.

Ultimately, there can be no complete healing until we have restored our primal trust in life. ~Georg Feuerstein